I love you Ninja Gaiden Sigma, but…

By Dave
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Dear Ninja Gaiden Sigma

I really want to love you, but I can’t see past your flaws. I know this is shallow of me, but perhaps I’m just a shallow person. Please listen to what I have to say- I hope you will understand how I feel.

There are some things that I really loved about you though. Your combat system was beautiful and full of joie de vivre. It is a skilful system, requiring me to constantly keep guard and be alert and on my toes. I adore games that keep me aware and active. Sure, most games like to keep me entertained through a general glaze of past experience and see it all before know-how- you however, challenged me in a way that no game had ever challenged me before. In fact, I still remember the time that I had to tell you to go easy on me; the intensity was too much for me to take. Even then, you had me pulling off things I never thought that, as a gamer, I would be able to do. I learned your combat skill set, and you pushed to do more and more, enabling me to become a mighty ninja in your arms.

I will never forget that. Your core game was a superb balance of button pressing and positional awareness. It was the small things that let you down.

For example, the time you asked to jump across multiple platforms had me in tears. Why would you give me these tasks, when you knew that your control system wasn’t designed to enable me to do such things? I tried and I tried, but I kept overshooting jumps, falling down large gaps, jumping aimlessly and awkwardly in incorrect directions. You just looked on, letting me become infuriated. I felt it was unnecessary to our relationship, but still, time after time, you forced me to interact with this anguish.

Another major gripe I had was your erratic level design. I loved it when we were in feudal Japanese settings, slicing foes with our blades, but why did you take me to the unholy monastery catacombs? It was full of guff enemies, ugly textures and poor platforming. There was no need for you to force that upon me, and it lasted so long as well. I think perhaps in the future, maybe you should hire more beta testers to pick out these poor points in your profile.

Overall you were a good game, the best I’ve played in a while. But it could never last- you could never satisfy me fully. I’m happy now, I’ve found a new soulmate; she’s called God of War. She’s not as unforgivingly tough as you, but she doesn’t infuriate me half as much. She has a sister called God of War 2, but I am yet to meet her.

I hope we can keep in touch, and maybe I’ll come round and give you another whirl at some point. But for now, goodbye, and good luck.

Best wishes, David.

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